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01 April 2021 @ 03:11 pm


The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - that you'd thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you've never met, maybe even someone long dead.

And it's as if a hand has come out, and taken yours.

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Current Mood: creativecreative
02 April 2020 @ 09:24 pm
Looking for my writing?

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fanfiction - twilight - harry potter

fiction - photo drabbles
Current Mood: nerdynerdy
Current Music: Capital Sense - Beloved Rogue
27 July 2012 @ 04:52 pm

This wasn't what I intended to write when I first saw this picture.

“Are you sure about this?” He asks. He’s using that voice of his, the one which is careful and gentle and understanding all at once. It pisses me off.

Read more...Collapse )
07 July 2012 @ 10:40 pm

Let’s talk about this picture.

Over the last few days it has popped up all over my tumblr newsfeed, and each time it has made me smirk a little and roll my eyes. Because it’s true. Because we all have one of these, albeit an imaginary version stored in the back of our minds. Even if we don’t refer to it on a daily basis, even if we do so with our tongues placed firmly in  our cheeks, that book is there, in the dusty corners of our consciousness waiting to be opened and edited every time a friend flakes on a coffee date or a sibling forgets to buy Mum & Dads’ anniversary present, even-though-they-agreed-months-ago-that-they-were-going-to-sort-it-out-and-does-it-really-always-have-to-be-me-who-organises-everything-and-oh-my-god-why-do-you-always-DO-this-I-can’t-trust-you-with-anything….

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Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: Young, Dumb and In Love - Matt Kearney

a different tone, a change of subject, a rushed conversation; they give rise to a wave of paranoia and…

…and you’re back. you’re sixteen and you’re home from school and you’re scared.

like three years have never passedCollapse )
Current Music: Down - Summer Camp
10 January 2012 @ 10:49 pm

there's a darkness in you.

it's splayed across the length of your skin, tattooed in the brush of your touch. it feathers each glance and breath you give me, lingers in that space between the words we say and everything else that we don't. sometimes i can persuade myself it isn't there, that there is nothing dangerous in your eyes, your heart, your kiss. in the yellow light of a summer's day, stretched out on the grass, surrounded by friends and lightly chilled lemonade, i can ignore the shivers you give me, the edge to your charm.

but there are some shadows we cannot shake off. they wait for us at home, filling the kitchen and blocking us in, pushing reason out. we hate and we hurt and it's there, there, in my tears and my cries and my god, how did this happen? how did we become something so bitter, hollow only to be overflowing with fear, full to the point of famine, dying to feel alive? somewhere down the line, being with you has become like drowning.

i could leave. there's a car on the driveway and i own the keys; outside there are roads and traintracks and with them come dreams of tickets to a different life clutched tightly in a shaking hand. i could go. i could.

but i stay. and so we shall remain, suffocating in the kitchen, watching as the wallpaper peels away and we'll spit and claw and scrape at every last strand of our life until there'll be nothing left to break but ourselves. as the shadows that keep us grow and twist and pull the house down. and then, only then, as i watch you through ashes and dust, i'll know.

i'll know that the darkness is not yours after all.

it is mine.
Current Music: laughing with - regina spektor

the world is no longer to be somewhere you once were, but forever a place that you are not.
everything reminds me of you. the bedroom door still swings on an angle because of the hinges you never got around to fixing; the garage is still bursting with unfinished pots of paint and rusty nails. your graduation photos are still on the wall and your battered deck shoes still by the fire. i still make four cups of coffee every morning (i need two to start the day) and the kitchen is empty without you here to get in the way. the television sits unwatched, the bacon unfrozen or fried. there's noone to irritate the hell out of me by rustling the papers and eating all the chocolate. the fire is unmade and my cigarette breaks are no longer illicit.

i miss you so much i can't breathe.

there's a gaping hole around the table at mealtimes and a wall of memories that silences my smiles. i used to wonder how you could stop yourself choking on so much sleep, yet now i spend all weekend in bed, the space between the covers being the only place i still feel like home (i tell myself it smells of you).  i haven't stopped glancing at the door come 7pm; the answerphone remains unchanged. they told me grief was painful, but what i feel isn't pain; it's bleak, bottomless loss. i still look for your face in crowds; i search every corner of the earth - not just four, but a hundred thousand - from deserted stairwells and empty corridors, endless alleys of sand and stone... you are not there. you are not there. it's what i tell myself every morning, yet still i listen for your heartbeat....

and i miss you so much that sometimes i think i hear it.
Current Mood: pensivepensive
Current Music: Uprising - Muse
03 February 2011 @ 07:36 pm

So, Josh and Zac left Paramore and it was kind of gutting but the three that are left keep insisting they're STILL A BAND, so guess we've got to believe them.

What's more, Hayley recently tumblrd new lyrics, which led to her posting a demo on the band's website. The lyrics and melody are HYPNOTIC and I can not get them out of my head. The whole thing is great, but it's the chorus which has really gotten to me.

video & lyrics under cutCollapse )

I've been thinking all day about why they resonate so much for me (in between singing the chorus again and again and getting on everybody's nerves). I just think the message is really powerful - this idea that it's only in fully mourning someone or something that you can 'rise' and lay it/them to rest/die. It's like the song is saying that it is okay to grieve and be sad because ultimately it's that sorrow which empowers us to move on and climb back to where we originally were. The play on words is fantastic too; it's such a simple pun yet so effective.

Yeah, I'm being a fangirl. It's not just about this specific song though; I've been thinking all day about emotive lyrics/words can be. It's humbling the extent to which one person and the words they choose to lay down on a page or wall or screen can effect me. The more time I spend living in a foreign language, the more I realise how much I value my ability to express myself fluently and without boundaries in my mother tongue. I'm coming to terms with the fact that nearly every sentence I utter in French isn't shaped to quite the perfection I'd like, but that it's ok because I'm still learning (and will be for a very very long time).

So yeah. There's my philosophical musing of the day. I know I should update this LJ more often but life keeps getting in the way. Hope everyone is well - if you ever wonder what's happening with me then you can check out my blog about France:

I've been writing a lot recently, so hopefully I'll be posting some of it soonish.

Current Mood: pensivepensive
Current Music: in the mourning - paramore
30 January 2011 @ 06:00 pm

The irony of the situation was acute as nausea.

Becca was sat curled up in the corner of a booth at the very back of the bar. There were circles under her eyes and her cheeks were pale, yet in an artful, almost stylised way. Even on two hours sleep and a lifetime of heartbreak she was beautiful. The table in front of her was strewn with sheets of paper, each one showing sketches in varying degrees of incompletion. I wondered when she’d started drawing again; I briefly wondered if it had anything to do with me. Then I felt stupid for even having the thought.

I wanted nothing more than to slide into the seat next to her, lace my fingers through hers and somehow melt away the last four months.

I didn’t, of course. It was a long time since I’d been that brave. Instead, I turned around, leaving her sitting unhappy and alone in the dim lamplight.

I pretended I didn't notice her notice me as I walked away.

Current Music: Let's Get Lost - Beck and Bat For Lashes




The cliff top is windswept and full of the sound of the sea...Collapse )

A/N: This is literally the very first thing that sprang to mind when I saw this image. I'm not sure what this says about me.

Current Mood: listlesslistless
Current Music: There Goes The Fear - Doves